Things I Used to Think

I like to think I lead a pretty simplistic life. Good is good. Bad is bad. Not a lot of gray areas. Apparently this all started at a young age as I recall what I am lovingly titling "Things I Used to Think." Generally there is no basis for any of these thoughts - I just think they are funny now.

1. All bad kids are given to Indians. I do not have any idea where this idea came from. But if a kid is acting up and being a brat - I still think to myself "He's going to have to go live with the Indians." I can also remember thinking that the Indians took the children somewhere along the Muskingum River near Terry's Tavern in Zanesville, Ohio. Really. No earthly reason anyone would ever tell me this. But I suspect my sister.

2. People with the same last name are related. My friend Kelly Carpenter not only shared the last name with The Carpenters - she also had every one of their albums. They had to be cousins or something! Fortunately, this idea turned out good for me in the end - as I do not want to be related to Nazi war criminals.

3. Everyone knows how to swim. Hmmm. Turns out they don't.

4. Anyone older than me is infinitely smarter and cooler than me. Except for the Rosecrans Class of 1979 - I'd have to go with false on this one, too.

5. Long melodious names are much better than short ones. They sound prettier to the ear - but think of how long Victoria Franchesca Mussolini has to spend filling in the bubbles on her SATs than Ann Clark. But Victoria probably aced the history portion.