My Friend Heather

"Send a birthday greeting to Heather" was in my inbox this morning. Damn those people over Birthday Reminders - don't they realize Heather died three years ago?

While I'm saddened that I lost my friend - the reminder made me smile. Heather was my very first friend as a Marine Corps bride and I think of her often. We were newlyweds together on Topsail Island, NC. She had a month of marriage on her when I met her - so she was my mentor of sorts. She was adorable. Cute. Petite. Used the word "wicked" and said "idear" instead of "idea."

We had mirror image homes on the beach with these super small kitchens. (Hey, it's the beach - who's cooking?) There was a bar extending from the kitchen counter - probably a couple of inches higher than a table. She came home all excited one day because she bought bar stools so she and hubs could eat at the bar and not have to walk the extra foot to the table. The seat to the bar stool was higher than the actual bar - but she was so proud of her purchase!

Being newlyweds as well as new to the Marine Corps - neither of us had any idea most of the time what was going on. She and hubs were invited to a beach barbecue and she agonized for weeks over what to wear to this thing. A couple of decades later - it certainly seems like a no brainer - it's a barbecue on the beach for God's sake! But, this was a command function, hub's boss was hosting and they were expected to be there. And everyone knows officers' wives are snobby witches with a huge stipend for clothes. She ended up wearing this cute cotton dress with a jacket and high heals. It really was pretty and she looked stunning. An hour later she came barrelling up the drive, sand flying, words cursing and taking clothes off as she running in the house. Apparently a Tshirt and cut offs would have sufficed. Oooh, she was mad - and that New England accent turned on like nothing I'd ever heard before. We just sat back and watched the show!

We had fun setting up house side by side. We admired and laughed at each other's wedding gifts. We helped each other decorate. We tried recipes on each other. We learned we knew nothing about this new way of life. We both eventually got jobs and moved on base - but our friendship remained in tact. Our husbands deployed both together and separately. We went to dinner. Met for walks. Shopped. Cried at movies. Tackled projects with our glue guns. Looking back - what an innocent life. So young and carefree.

In the military - someone has to move - and this time it was me. We were headed for exotic Louisville, KY. She was my last stop before we left. She gave me a video cassette of a movie we had seen together. I cried all the way home at the loss of not having her part of my everyday life. This was a good decade before cell phones and email.

Life continued for both of us. We didn't have daily or weekly calls - but we did write letters. The Marine Corps took them to Panama and us to Japan. We never managed to be stationed together again - but we did see her hubs from time to time. For a couple of tours we seemed to follow each other. Email brought us close again - she would just write funny things although I think most were unintentional. "I saw three dolphins today. One in the front. One in the back and one in the middle." So simple and pure. One night I saw her hubs on CBS news. I immediately called her - "I knew you'd call" she laughed.

Heather was diagnosed with some kind of hideous, insidious brain cancer. She remained her upbeat self even having to know what the future held. Towards the end she would simply forward emails. I think that was her way of staying in touch. I'm not going to pretend to even know what her family went through. She left a wonderful husband and two teenagers.

I think back to the last time I saw her in person in 1989. The video she gave me was Beaches... a movie about two young girls that meet on a beach.